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Well it’s been quite a few weeks! It’s still totally overwhelming that Henry is going to school. Every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday morning when we get him dressed and take him to school I still can’t quite believe it. He already has a little moan about getting ready for school in the morning, ‘owww why do you have to go to school’. He’d only been about 3 times! Bless him! But he absolutely leaves the house fine and can’t wait to get into the playground. When the bell has rung he has started running in without even saying good bye! How dare he, doesn’t he realise I need a kiss before I leave!

At school Nicky says that he is coping amazingly, concentrating brilliantly, following the work and wanting to contribute on the carpet. At break times he is fine on his own and plays really well with the other children, he needs help though in games he hasn’t played before like ‘tig’ and learning what ‘den’ means and maybe not holding onto the girls for so long in that age old ‘chase’ game!

He is ready to come home at 12 o’clock. We have suggested to him maybe staying for lunch once a week so that he could have more playtime with his friends as he only has 15 minutes break time in the morning. As they are streamed for maths and English he isn’t really seeing his classmates but he got quite upset about that suggestion. I think as well as he is doing he is overwhelmed too. He is more sensitive and short-tempered and not as open as he was in the playroom back in may and June. He has broken down twice since starting school and just sobbed and sobbed, most recently on Wednesday.

It seems like he is having an ‘awakening’ and is asking so many questions and thinking about so many things. He has been talking a lot about dying, sometimes matter of factly and sometimes very emotionally, getting upset about not seeing us again. We’ve talked about heaven and he’s outsmarted us on severals occasions so it’s all getting a bit complicated! He wanted to know what you did when you saw dinosaurs in heaven because everything that dies goes to heaven which worried him so now we have a Jurassic style dinosaur compound up there so you don’t bump into them! Not sure we’re doing the greatest job with this subject! He’s asking lots of moral questions like ‘why do cowboys shoot everyone?’ and ‘are they still good if they shoot someone?’. Answers on a postcard please!

He has also started to ask lots of questions about himself from why he doesn’t stay to lunch to why he can’t eat certain foods and yesterday he asked me why he has a playroom. I’m kind of ashamed to admit that I wasn’t totally honest with him and am not sure why really, I told him that it was to help him learn and he said you learn at school, so I said you also learn lots of amazing things in the playroom. I’d like him to ask me again as I feel that I didn’t explain properly how special the playroom is and I wasn’t sure whether to tell him he has autism???

He seems to have started noticing differences and has said today that he wants to eat everything. Nicky has also said that he doesn’t want her to help him when he is on the carpet. He has also started telling people when they are ‘noying’ him (or ‘ignoring’ him if he gets his words mixed up and this ‘noys’ him even more!) and has started to talk about his feelings a bit more which is great. He obviously has so much going on in his little head, it must be exhausting for him. He is still getting upset at losing and he is still struggling at times to make himself understood. When he is trying to tell you something you can see how hard he is has to try to process and get his thoughts out. Because he has come so far its easy for us to even forget how many challenges he has had to overcome. I had a big clear out of his room on Thursday and under his bookcase I found a wooden ball that we used to play with when we first started the son-rise program with him in his bedroom. Then we were working on one word sentences like ‘go’ so we could throw these balls and hit the wall with a big crash! We would run his animals up and down the little table qnd on the window sill for most of the session before he connected with you. Now we’re having philosophical debates! I was definitely better at joining! And I’ve got a philosophy a level! Not that it’s helping me now!

I have just started volunteering with another little girl qnd it’s bringing back lots of memories about our early program and how Henry was. It’s really bought home to me how much I carry with me with Henry and the pressures of running the program and your own fears, hopes and hang ups, of which I have many! It’s amazing Henry has done so well! It’s also reminded me how special my time with him is. We’ve had some great games on the balls this week, qnd while he’s keeping me fit at least falling off balls in spectacular fashion keeps him from asking me questions I can’t answer…….well for a little while anyway!

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